To venable (verb): To randomly muse upon this and that.

Archive for the ‘Men / Women’ Category

New Husbands

If you are a Christian man anticipating being married then be aware of the call for you to caringly lead your wife. I particularly want to urge you to think about your responsibility to lead your wife spiritually. Your wife will flourish through your exercise of servant leadership. If you wimp out and expect her to lead spiritually or if you act out the domineering tyrant role you have failed in the godly call upon you.

So what are you to do?:

  • You are to lead your wife in church attendance. Church on a Sunday should not be greeted with a should we or shouldn’t we dilemma. Rather, unless health, hazard or hardship get in the way you will be there. I particularly urge husbands to think about your first Lord’s Day together as husband and wife. I find it shocking that a husband would cop-out and not make sure that the first Sunday morning of marriage finds them among God’s people to worship the Lord.
  • Right from the start make your home a place of worship. You must be leading in this. There should not be a day ever that goes by without you and your wife praying together. Furthermore, you must make sure you read and study the Word together.

Sisters Ministry.

This scripture appears in Titus 2:3b-5.  The Word says concerning the older women in the church that they are to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Could it be that I have just mentioned the most disobeyed portion of scripture in the Bible.

Amidst all the debate and dispute about the role of women in the church and whether they should have leadership / preaching roles, a scripture which clearly mandates a ministry for mature lady believers is largely ignored. I am not sure why it is. But I do know that our churches lack so much as a result.

Perhaps church leaders should pair the ladies up more; that is older ones with younger ones. But the thrust of the passage seems to be that the women through knowing this Word should get up and act upon it. How many younger sisters would just love a word of encouragement from an older believer. As they sink in a morass of nappies, washing and crying babies would not a kindly sister come stand encourage them in this vital ministry?

Oh what a lack there is here! Perhaps you feel you are not old enough. Well very likely you are older than some other sister and you can get on and serve them through your loving prayerful interest and advice. Perhaps you don’t feel qualified enough. Well the scripture does not talk about that it just infers you should get on and do it.

So older sisters be praying for those you can help and get on and help.

I have written at more length on this subject here

 

Big Men / Little Men

  • Little men seek revenge. Big men let things pass.
  • Little men seek their own honour. Big men seek the honour of others (and most especially God).
  • Little men say “if they did it, so will I”. Big men say “I will do what is right”.
  • Little men operate for personal advantage and convenience. Big men operate according to principle.
  • Little men protect their families whilst there is no pain. Big men protect their families regardless of the cost.
  • Little men seek comfort. Big men fulfill duty.
  • Little men let their wives lead. Big men step up and lead.
  • Little men have to show that they are in front; Big men serve others even if it leads to derision.
  • Little men keep information because it may give me an advantage. Big men share information because they want to help others.;

Harry And Meghan Get Wed

So what did you think about it; the Royal Wedding last Saturday that is? So much has been written about the event, in particular the sermon by Michael Curry. Accordingly, I hesitatingly throw my little bit into the ring of information and opinion.

  • After all the fanfare and grand entrance we had to listen to a man who seemed less than excited about what was happening. Could they have put someone on who had some more interest and engagement in his presentation. By the way it is important who leads and how we lead our church services.
  • The wording he read was grand though. Talking about husband and wife and the fact of a man and woman coming together being at the heart of marriage. Good to hear. Mmmmmmmh where does that leave same-sex marriage? Finished and in the grave one would hope! But such is a vain aspiration I fear.
  • Great to hear a confession of our Trinitarian God.
  • At least Justin Welby was somewhat more lively.
  • And then there is Mr Curry. Vast amounts have been written. Two most helpful contributions would be by Stephen Kneale here and David Robertson here. Here are some of my thoughts upon:
    • The fact that he spoke with passion and warmth seems to have taken people aback. How can we have got into such a state that people expect to come to church and hear something delivered in a cold and detached manner. Surely it should be de rigeur that we preach with warmth and passion. Now passion and warmth are incarnated and therefore will vary from person to person, but they must be there.
    • He did say some better things than most in a similar position have done. He did speak warmly of Jesus Christ.
    • However, let us be clear; he did not preach the gospel. It is shocking that people in evangelical circles can be thinking the he “preached the gospel.” Do we really understand what the gospel is? See here for my previous thoughts on this.
    • I am drawn back to Dr Lloyd Jones great teaching in his book on the Sermon on the Mount about how false teachers are known not by what they say, but by what they do not say. And normally that means lots of love and little sin and judgement which is exactly what was there on Saturday.
  • I’m not sure what place a rendition of “Stand by Me” had in the context of a church service. More suitable for the reception I would have thought. But that is all part of wanting to have church to make me feel good rather than being challenged about the call of God on our lives.
  • Hence, returning to Mr Curry’s sermon, it is all part of creating a certain view of God which is bolstered by a selective use of the Bible. Then we are encouraged to work ourselves into/towards this version God that has been revealed to us. And we all go away happy because this nice convenient God is now happy with us.
  • Whereas the love of God is truly experienced when I submit in all brokenness before this mighty God and am totally dependent upon Him to raise me up and bring me to Himself. Now that is the love of God.
  • The airbrushing of Meghan Markel’s divorce was interesting as well. No mention of it at all. Now I know the Christian gospel is all about forgiveness and restoration. But vows have been taken by Ms Markel previously and have not been fulfilled. Our society seems to be very casual about keeping your word and honoring vows. It is a startling thing about the Old Testament that vows were viewed in the highest regard. For a society to be bound well together, honoring of commitments is vital. It was all as if nothing had happened.
  • And then there is the magnificent white wedding dress. Yes it was respectable and all that. But is not the white wedding gown supposed to be a declaration of virginity? Which leaves me wondering?!

Just some thoughts.

 

Elders and Women

The ongoing news-storm ensuing from the Harvey Weinstein antics about the harassment of women in workplaces continues. Here is a further article from today. This leads me into considering how church Elders should interact with women. If we look at the qualifications for eldership 1 Timothy 3:1-7 we see the headlining requirement to be that of being above reproach (v2b). it seems that all the other requirements explain and developed what it is for an elder to be above reproach. An elder therefore is to be of such a character that there is nothing in his life which in any way would cause unease among those who observe his life. One of the critical areas in which this is seen is in his relationship with women. In his conduct towards all women he should be above reproach.

One of the qualifications for an elder is that he is a one-woman man (see 1 Tim. 3:2b). I have written about this term here. An elder is to have focus on the one woman who is in his life. in no way should be give any amorous indications to any other woman. There is a zero-tolerance in this realm. He will readily speak of his affection for his wife in a sensitive and thoughtful way. But by his actions and words he will make no-advances to any other woman. His hands will be “firmly in his pockets”, his eyes will not linger on another woman and his mind will not  ponder on what might be if he only could.

One particular area to be thoughtful of here is that of how he speaks about the dress of other ladies. He can and should speak well of the appearance of his wife, but nver never say anything about the dress of another lady; absolutely nothing. Speaking of her dress can cause all sorts of problems: Your wife thinks; “Is he interested in her?”;  the woman thinks “Oooh he thinks I’m attractive” and she starts to ponder. And if the woman has a husband; he is potentially incensed by your perceived advances. You cannot be too careful in this realm.

If I could give an exception here though and that is in cases when you may have to approach a lady in church about her dress if she is being too provocative in here attire.

The giving of hugs and  kisses needs to be carefully considered as well. Certain cultures see this as more than acceptable. In fact it is part of the norm to act in such a way in many societies. But the elder must be very careful. There may be times in mourning for example when this is not just acceptable, but actually helpful. But caution must be exercised.

It is also good to be careful of being alone with another woman. Age differences and teh expectations of the meeting need to be considered here. So if a lady is coming to see you about her husband’s funeral that is very different to a sister in the church just asking for a meeting without indicating why. Age difference is important as well. But visiting a lady of similar age to you on her own at home when her husband and children are out, to me seems very dangerous. In all thsi it is best to err on the side of caution.

Finally never trust yourself in all these matters. Paul after indicating how teh Israelites failed, addresses the Corinthians and says if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! (1 Cor. 10:12). Many an elder is now wrecked in life and ministry and some have had even their very lives cut short because they did not heed that.

And a finally, finally, make sure you build such a satisfying relationship with your wife that you would never have any thought of “looking elsewhere.”

Sisters Dress.

Does it matter how those who are believing in Christ dress? Particularly in this post I want to focus upon how those ladies who are in Christ dress. This applies generally to how they dress in the course of life and specifically in church.

Scripture does bring up the issue of how believing ladies are to dress. In 1 Timothy 2:9-10 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. And Peter says that  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Pet. 3:3-4).

Paul and Peter here are both are responding to the innate tendency of ladies to show themselves off through their dress. He says that a godly sister should not want to show off herself physically, but spiritually. A believing lady should be aware of this when she dresses. This does not means that ladies should be purposefully dowdy, but it does mean that they should steer away from ostentatious display and sexually enticing attire.

The detail of the way a sister dresses is culturally governed. As fashion varies between cultures through time then this will be reflected in the dress of a godly woman. However, the culture should not determine how we dress. Sadly, we live in a morally lax society and that is reflected in the risque way in which many ladies dress. Christian ladies can easily follow that pattern without thinking. A showy display rather than a godly display can sometimes unwittingly ensue.

One way women need to be particularly concerned is how their dress affects men. The male responds very quickly to what he sees through the eye. He can also be prone to follow-on in his mind as he is prompted by what is over-revealed by the ladies he sees. I feel that ladies are so very often not at all aware of how the man responds to what he sees. So they dress in a way that it is too revealing and can cause all kinds of problems.

Now, I know that the response can be made that this is just men allowing their sinful lusts to have free reign, so they need to get themselves sorted before God: they need to repent and be cleansed from their dirty thoughts. Such is true. But I do feel that sisters should be more careful to help their brothers in Christ.

In 1 Corinthians 8 Paul is helping the Christians in Corinth to understand how they should deal with the issue of eating meat offered to idols. He urges a thoughtful carefulness by those who are persuaded that eating the meat is fine. They need to be careful because those who are not persuaded this is appropriate might be stumbled thereby. He finally sums up his argument by saying if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall (1 Cor. 8:13).

Dear sisters in Christ please be aware that how your dress can put in peril the spiritual welfare of your brothers in Christ. And the prettier you are the more careful you need to be.  This is particularly so if you are “in front” in a service for whatever reason. In such a situation, whether you like it or not you are, through your overly-tight and overly revealing garments make it hard for your brother to concentrate and can lead them into sin

I do feel that sisters have little awareness of how their dress affects men. My beloved sisters in the Lord please think about these things.

That Haircut.

I was in the barbers some little while ago. I was waiting my turn and as I passed the time I was observing the activity in front of me. There was one man there who barely had much more hair than me – and that is not very much!!!! He sat there for ages as the barber crafted something on his head. All that time taken up to make sure that what was produced was appropriate for the image he wanted to present. It was one of those experiences which grew in intensity as time passed. Possibly it was exacerbated by the fact that I wanted to get my haircut done so that I could get on with the other stuff in my life. But I was just left wondering why are you sitting there so long to have your hair cut.

And the answer is that it is all down to image is it not? “I am what I display” is the motivation which drives such activity. This makes life very precarious and insecure. The negative corollary of all this is that if I am unable to display properly then I will be viewed differently and will not be who I want to be. Such an outcome will lead me to self-conscious despair.

Now I am not here advocating slovenliness in terms of our hair or in any other matters regarding our appearance. However, when my worth is dependent on how I present, then I am in a very precarious situation.

So what is the counterbalance to this? It is to find our worth alternatively. It is to find our security, not in our appearance, but in who we are. To cut-to-the-chase that means finding our worth in Christ. The satisfied man is not the man preoccupied with appearance, but the man pre-occupied with Christ. He is the only place of full and sure security. The best state mind to be in is that of Paul when he says For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (Phil 1:21). Now that is security!

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