To venable (verb): To randomly muse upon this and that.

Parenting With Purpose

Introduction.

  • I do not write as an expert,  I write out of much failure.
  • I want to relate to you the things I have learned through the voyage of parenting.
  • The Bible is the basis for our wisdom. What I am about to relate is presented as that which is in harmony with the Bible.
  • So what is to be our purpose in parenting? It is that we want the best for our children .
  1. Attitude
    • Children are a blessing not a nuisance.
    • We need to be involved; both parents need to be involved. Fathers need to get involved. There can be a tendency for the fathers to leave the parenting with their wives. This is no good. Both parents need to be involved.
    • You need to remember that you are bringing up children. Like a plant when it is young needs help to get growing, so children need help. So we need to be involved; we need to bring them up.
  2. Know your child.
    • Study your children.
    • Each child is unique. Our goal is for each child to fulfill their calling. There is a danger of us living our lives through the children. So we have a goal that they would be a doctor or a lawyer and we do everything for them to be that. That is wrong! Each child’s gifts should be fully developed, but we should not straight-jacket them into what we want.
    • It is important that they are not lazy, but we encourage them in their interests and gifting.
    • There should be no favouritism. All your children should be equally loved. None should feel they are of lesser value or more value. Such a situation is destructive to children. I note as well, that spoiling a child is just that – “spoiling a child from what it should be.”
  3. Provide
    • Children are given into families not into nations. Parents have a responsibility to provide for children and this should not be left to the state or any other person or organisation.We are to provide for all needs; not for all wants.
    • We are to provide opportunities for them to develop interests, but we refrain from making our lives and family life just function around the children.
    • Teach them good manners.
  4. Respect
    • Children are to honour parents. Honour parents as those who have authority over them.
    • Parents should respect children. Each is a special individual.
    • If you get things wrong say: “I am sorry, I was wrong.”
  5. Obedience
    • Children should obey their parents. Expect obedience.
    • If a child  does not obey parents at home is set on a bad path. Expect obedience; enforce obedience.
    • Carry out any threats. If not going to carry them out then don’t make them. For example saying: “If you eat do not eat your food then you will get no food for a month.” is jusst nonesense and the child will not believe you.
  6. Punishment
    • Two things to be punished for: disobedience, lying.
    • Never punish to humiliate. Punish to correct.
    • Never punish in anger.
    • Smacking;
      • In private.
      • Use a stick.
      • On bottom.
      • Explain clearly why being smacked.
      • Give a hug afterwards.
      • Tell them you love them.
      • Not too young.
  7. Encouragement
    • When child does well encourage. 50% rule (always encourage more than discourage). Say “that’s good”; say “well done”. Reward good things
  8. Time 
    • Give them time.
    • “Quality Time” issue is somewhat misleading. Children are not interested in “Quality time”; they are interested in your time.
    • When children 11 and a half I have set myself to go out with them on their own. They choose what to do and where to eat.
    • Make sure you are not focused on your phone. Focus on them or they will presume you are not interested.
    • Listen to your children. Two ears and one mouth have been given to us. So listen more than you speak.
  9. Consistent
    • You say “can’t go on computer” then the next day you say “Go on as much as you want”. In such a cse the child gets confused.
  10. Communicate
    •  This is particularly an issue as children grow up. Tell them what is going on.
  11. Security/ Socialization.
    • Nonsense about socialization. Children at a young age need security. Security comes in family with parents. Don’t believe all the propaganda about your little ones needing to be in nursery to learn to socialize. There may be other reasons you have to put your children in nursery, but don’t buy that one.
  12. Parents Together
    • Make sure you stick together as parents. Children can so easily divide parents. Make sure that does not happen. Talk togther about your children and their welfare.

Conclusion

  • Enjoy your children
  • Win child by 7.
  • Ask for help if you have problems

(Adapted from notes prepared for a talk I gave to parents at Qinghua Chinese School on Feb 4th 2017)

Comments on: "Parenting With Purpose" (3)

  1. This is great stuff, but I do think that the word ‘punishment’ is unhelpful. It suggests the idea of payment for sin, rather than discipline or chastisement to purge it away.

  2. Hercules said:

    Very useful and insightful

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