I know this is a delicate subject, but it does seem to me that Christians are so often on the defensive about sex. The attitude conveyed from the world, via the media, is to pity Christians for their attitude towards sex. The world thinks that we are such poor people and miss out on so much. They think because we restrict sex to marriage that we are to be pitied. After all, according to the way of the world, you can enjoy sex with whoever and whenever you want, as long as it is not too licentiously outrageous. But those poor Christians – they can only enjoy sex in marriage. What poor creatures they are.
And so it was great to see this presentation by Tim Keller.
The fact is that it is those who engage in sexual practice outside marriage who are the ones who lose out. Marriage provides the appropriate secure framework in which a man and a woman can wholesomely give their bodies to one another without reserve. The marriage covenant engenders trust. And it is this trust which makes sex so special.
Without the marriage bond, the trust is missing to a greater or lesser extent so sex so easily becomes a selfish pursuit. Instead of solidifying their relationship, those involved in sex outside marriage are engaged in selfishly indulging their sexual drives. This is not a fulfilling arrangement. It is frustrating. This is why the world with all their propaganda towards “if it feels good do it” is propagating a destructive lie. How many lives are destroyed by this propaganda? Sex becomes totally warped. Men view women as sex objects. Women think that the best they get, is to acquiesce in a man’s lustful adventure.
But in marriage there is a beautiful symbiosis. As the marriage grows, so sex becomes that much more fulfilling. And as the fulfillment advances, so does the depth of the relationship in marriage. It is a beautiful virtuous circle. I know it is not always like that, but sex within marriage offers a completeness that fornication and adultery can never offer. In the end, the sexual libertines offer so much, but deliver so little.
Moreover, so many are harmed by their pre-marriage sexual indulgence so that they are scarred for the rest of their lives. Accordingly, the fulfillment of sex in marriage is diminished because they have been ravaged by their pre-marital sexual exploits. God graciously can cleanse and heal in this realm, but the damage can be oh too real.
So two things to close:
- If you are unmarried and facing the heat of peer pressure and worldly propaganda, then do not succumb. God’s way is the best without question. Save yourself for your husband / wife and you will nor regret it
- Let us not be cowed by the pressure all around for so-called “sexual freedom.” It is not freedom at all. It is a lie. Let us be willing to declare how sex is best God’s way.
(Originally published at Venabling on 12th December 2013).