To venable (verb): To randomly muse upon this and that.

The Duration of Grieving

When it comes to grieving the passing of others, we are very often guilty of double-standards. We expect others to be soon over the loss of a loved one, but for ourselves we expect others to be sensitive to the fact that grief endures even a long time after the loss of the loved one.

Such would be the reality of my experience with the loss of my Mum. On October 4th it is due to be a year she died. There is a sense that I can still not take it in that she is gone. Ongoingly there are those flashes across my being, that the one who brought me into this world is no longer here. I will often say to May Lin I can’t call my Mum and speak to her. The pain of losing my Mum is still there.

The obvious ongoing challenge from this for me is to be sensitive to the situation of others. Even in pastoral ministry it is good to seek to remember anniversaries of the passing of loved ones.

Comments on: "The Duration of Grieving" (1)

  1. From what I can tell, the grieving process never really ends, not during this life, anyway.

    However, there does seem to be a point in time after which things seems better, feel better, the pain is dulled, and the person more or comes out of the grieving state. For most people this is quite a long time, often 2 years or so ( I have read) in the case of an actual bereavement.

    If some-one is not coming out of grieving after 2 years, maybe some help is needed. Perhaps a change of circumstances, location, lifestyle, perhaps some talking therapy, some counselling, some appropriate drugs, better fellowship, more support, more sympathy, less sympathy, more encouragement, more company. There are lots of possibilities, and I firmly think they should come first from family and church family.

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